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Friday, April 30, 2010

A Heavy Post



Belgium is the next nation to begin steps in making the public display of burqa wearing illegal.  They are set to be the first nation to actually accomplish this.

  Their lower house has cosigned a bill that will make it illegal for women to wear burqas or other Islamic veils that cover a woman's face. According to the covernment it is a matter of national security and and question of freedom and dignity. The Qu'ran doesn't require it and few Muslims approve of women in niquab or burqa.

But Amnesty International is upset. In this instance, I cannot figure out why. These are women permitted and now mandated to have the freedom of voice. There is nothing in Islam that requires these obstructive coverings, so HOW is this discriminatory?

I personally don't like the idea of people who can only see 30% of the road driving in public. I would suppose that is part of the point, except for the fact that men who demand their wives burqa seem to have no problem with their wives teaching at universities, being gynaecologists, or otherwise making bank in a new country.

If you wish to consider yourself a progressive man, then you will have no problem with a kid seeing her professor smile. And you should WANT your amazing wife to be able to see her way home.

There IS a difference between a hijab and a burqa. Freedom of religion should never harm a human being.

Where IS the true amnesty for working muslim women?

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Art Imitates Life



Canada Post historically doesn't put living people on postage stamps. Only 1 non-royal has previously been given the honour, and next year a man who collected stamps as a kid will be number 2.

  Ferguson Jenkins is the only Canuck to make it to Cooperstown and has raised the profile of baseball as well as the numerous charitable causes he supports. We should be honoured to have someone of his stature on our air mail.

Good Pick

Coffee Time!

 

Coffee has been seen as something of a guilty pleasure. Folks tie it in with smoking, drinking, or other things that people enjoy, but aren't necessarily good for you. Tea drinkers have often held that their morning cup is far superior to java in terms of a health perspective. But what IF coffee was not the witches brew that we thought it was? What if the bean was actually GOOD for you?

   Several studies from all over the globe have indeed suggested just that. A study in 2009 noted that coffee drinkers had lower risks of prostate cancer and that moderate drinkers (3 to 5 cups) had the lowest instances of Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia. Other studies have found that coffee drinkers have lower instances of colon and liver cancer, type 2 diabetes, and Parkinson's disease.

But what's the reason? It isn't caffeine- decaf drinkers showed the same results- so what is it?

It boils down to antioxidants- those friendly flavonoids found in all kinds of things like berries. Coffee is the most common source of antioxidants in the average American's diet. It also contains trigollinene, suspected of preventing colon cancer, as well as several other compounds that can regulate bacteria levels and even improve brain function.

Studies tend to be short, and while doctors aren't prescribing coffee, this does make us feel a little better about our morning joe. Coffee can raise anxiety levels in prone people and can cause insomnia in folks not used to the compounds in the beverage. Also, if you add huge amounts of cream and sugar, you are adding empty calories and fat to your diet, so go light on the half-and-half. But mainly, relax in the quiet knowledge that you might just be doing your body a favour.

Life is too short to be uptight and as it turns out by enjoying the simplest of pleasures, we might just be healthier for a longer part of it.

The Censorship Wolf Cry



Once again, the organization known as "Queers against Israeli Apartheid" has chosen to insist on pushing their bizarre agenda into Toronto's gay pride parade.
  But this time, people are actually speaking up in opposition and QuAIA is steaming angry. Last year, their honcho El-Faroukh Khaki was even one of the grand marshalls of the parade. I think QuAIA's agenda is ludicrous for a litany of reasons. They should be required to tone it down because their politics have nothing to do with gay rights and they are promoting hatred of a country they know little about.

Israel is the only country in the region that permits gay people to live as free citizens. In the oh-so-oppressed "Palestine", gay people best keep quiet or they will be spending a long time in some of the harshest prisons on the planet. Israel has long been a safe haven for people forced out of their nations because of their orientation.

But QuAIA doesn't care as much about gay rights- it is a flagship for leftist and pro-Islamic causes. They bandy around words like "apartheid" to confuse compassionate people into hating others based on their nationality. Why aren't they protesting regimes that openly execute people , like I don't know, the entire Arab world? At least that would be a real gay rights issue.

And sponsors haven't asked QuAIA to withdraw, only to tone down on the hate messages and not to disrupt the event that should be more of a celebration after they hijacked it last year. The people and corporations who fund the event DO have a say in what goes on and if they want to exclude or tone down ultra-radical fringe groups, that IS their call. Would QuAIA and its supporters be crying censorship if a queer skinhead (yes, there is such a thing) group was asked not to wear "White Power" shirts? When I marched with the AIDS Committee of Toronto in 1997, our signage was required to meet standards. It has always been the case.

Modern Pride celebrations are about revelry, about winning a battle for gay rights. Not about division, hatred, or foreign land disputes. There are tons of pro-Palestine and pro-Israel marches throughout the year in Toronto. There is a place for opposing views on political issues, and this one needs to remain in its place.

Oh, QuAIA, I'll march with you guys in the first ever Gaza City Pride Parade, which will happen NEVER.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Bacon-Related Post of the Week

 I am amused by people's fascination with bacon. There are beef, turkey, and vegan variations, but those who aren't allergic seem to love the smoked swine. Jews sneak a baco-burger when their mum isn't looking and vegans fall of the wagon due to bacon more than any other food.
  I personally don't get it, but then again, I'm allergic to the oink. I got mad love on for smokiness and salt, but this bacon religion confuses and amuses me like no other.

There's Bacon Salt (oddly vegan and kosher), bacon bandaids, and Bacon-of-the-month clubs. With that in mind, I bring you Bacon Soap.

I'm not kidding. You can buy it on amazon for $6.

I'm hoping this is a gag gift, but the manufacturers insist it is the real deal. "Wake up and smell like breakfast" is the slogan. But, seriously who the hell wants to smell like bacon? If you were to use this you'd be followed by every dog in the neighbourhood and nobody wants to get mounted by a Saint Bernard on their morning jog. (at least I HOPE) I envision being propositioned by every greasy trucker in the pub and being stalked by middle-ages ladies in mu-mus.
I REALLY hope that nobody actually uses this.

Leave It To Bieber



  Everybody keeps talking about this Bieber kid so I figured it would only be fair to check out what this kid does for a living.

EGAD! I'm trying to be nice here because I know he's young enough to be my kid.

I can see why Justin appeals to the prepubescent. He is processed cheese, which is okay because he's a kid. But Luda should have known better or at least visited Bieber's hometown before agreeing to guest-starring on this sugar sweet musical travesty. Stratford, Ontario is the Shakespeare theatre capital of Canada and has been suspected of triggering sudden onset narcolepsy in those who visit. Comparing Stratford to any hood is like comparing Bombshell McGee to Mother Teresa. I mean, what kind of shenanigans could this kid have become involved in? Cow tipping? My 90 year old great aunt is more gangsta than this dude.

  The Bieb better enjoy his 15 minutes because as soon as his voice drops, he is off to the land of Aaron Carter obscurity. And I hope Ludacris made a boatload of cash because everyone is laughing at him. Luda handed over his credibility along with a Ziplock containing his testicles when he signed on the line.

  Justin, you aren't hood. Just keep getting rich making 12 year old girls as well as their parents cry (for different reasons) and leave the music to the grown-ups. Oh, and a little advice - you MAY want to hire a dance instructor who isn't a retired offensive lineman.

I'm going to stop now.

 

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Self Explanatory



The spelling error is the least of their sins.

They also have the monopoly on white face paint.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Help



I come from a pretty blended family. Lots of mums and lots of dads. But my biomama has her baby on her brain. My brother Chris is turning 30 soon.

When we were kids, there wasn't much around but our imaginations. A few toys and books were handed down and this brother became the recipient of the survivors. His first toy was also my eldest sister's, and he still owns it. A stuffed bean-bag bear that had his face chewed off by a childhood dog. He even has a name for it that escapes me. But he had a favourite book that my mother dared to sell at a yard sale recently.

Barney Beagle Plays Baseball.

My bro was really annoyed that the Easy Reader was sold (for 10 cents) And my mum wants to find a copy to give him for his thirtieth birthday. It will be an epically gooey moment, but I cannot find this book anywhere. It only had a couple of print runs and most kids mutilated this hardcover gem.

So, as I know that many of my readers are of an older demographic, I'm hoping that one of you has this book in their basement or attic. If you can find this, you'll be compensated accordingly, and my mum will love you to death.

Please help my mum make a grown man cry, and not for the usual reasons.

xo

Watch And Learn

I'm not too big on "fan videos". I mean, they're fun and you can tell the band has some love from their supporters, but there isn't usually any substance behind it.

Then there is this.

I was cruising around looking for music and found one of the best fan-produced videos ever. These kids shot it in a couple hours.

Enjoy!

Friends Don't Let Friends...



... go out in public (or pubic) places with mangina.

For those who don't know, a mangina is what occurs when a dude wears khakis or shorts so tight that his junk looks like fat lady camel toe. Yes, everyone is staring at your crotch - it's like trying not to look at the sun during an eclipse. We know it's wrong and that we have the possibility of scorching your retinas, but it is magnetic.

And it's not because we like your package. It's because we can tell you have (slightly compressed) balls but are curious as to where your pecker went. I'm thinking it retreated out of embarrassment or atrophied from the intense heat that's gotta be going on in those Child's Size 12 Adidas. You are placing a sign on your head that says that a 10 year old corpse has a higher sperm count than you. Moreover, there are better ways to tell the world your religious preference - most folks wear their faith around their necks as opposed to their genitals.

It's even worse when gay dudes do this. Guys who groove with other gents are pretty clear about not feeling the schwing for the ladies. They might like Aretha Franklin's voice but they aren't placing adverts on Craigslist looking for a guy with her crotch en masse. I troll Craigslist looking for absurd posts and I've NEVER seen "GWM seeks GBM with a large vagina", and I'm hoping that I never will. Nobody deserves to have their ocular spheres assaulted in such a grotesque fashion, regardless of sexual orientation.

If you are unlucky enough to witness one of your buddies try to hop in your ride with his junk tight and voice strained, smack him in the head and go buy him some pants that fit. True friends are friends of the world as well. they don't let their friends get away with polluting the eyeballs of the masses with their usually-concealed  balls regardless of their mass.

This is violence we CAN stop.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

The Voice : cNote

  It is a little late in the month for April's segment of The Voice, but trust me, your pacience will be rewarded by a 19 year ols gentleMAN rapper.

His name's cNote and you better listen up.

I could tell you about his displacement by Katrina and his hard-nock luck, but he'd tell you about the places that taught him how to live, and, think, and rhyme. In c-Note's cool brain you CAN get the ladies, cars, and jewels - if you keep your ass outta jail and use your gifts. And I believe that should resonate.

But it is not just the message, it is the delivery, and this is better than Dominos. This kid has range of voice and flow and what I find difficult to describe in a sentence. cNote is a guy that people who don't dig rap will, and those who do elated.His voice is old and new, hard, soft, grainy and fluid. It's difficult to desribe a feeling.

So here's a taste. Go here til I get stuff uploaded.Direct Order.

http://twiturm.com/prs3f

oh, forgot. Just coz I'm forgetful, don't think c is. Check out cNote on your favourite social networks

http://twitter.com/__cNote

http://www.myspace.com/cNoteThaLyracist

I MAY be embarrassing him.

Vegan Junk Food Amazingness



 I hate the way KFC does business, but they DO have a vegan sandwich. I had misgivings about the idea of going to a corporate asshole conglomerate for a quick meal, but I figure that by not buying, we are saying that we don't want their more compassionate product. I've tried this a few times, and had the same response every time.

This is THE best fast-food veggie burger ever created.

It isn't low in fat, but that's not what we look for in guilty-pleasure fast crap. Even my confirmed carnivore mum digs this sandwich. It is not overly greasy, not too spiced, and 100% yummy. The A&W veggie has nothing on this. While A&W's is a ball of pretty tasteless grease, this rocks. My mum ordered a veggie and a chicken crunch and found them both edible, with the veg actually being far tastier.

  While long-term vegetarians feel that fake meat is somehow offensive, to those of us who were raised as meat-eaters, this is meat methadone. Vegetarians can order it with the egg-based sauce and vegans without - either way this is the best meatless munch to ever come to fast food. And if you're in Canada and craving the double-down challenge, they'll hook you up with a 2 patty, 4 cheese veggie beast. (off-menu, just be nice to the server) I haven't braved it because that much of a heavy thing would make me retch but it can be done- HEY Tyler. (challenge here)

 Right now, this hedonistic nosh is only universally available in Canada , (they also have different welfare standards for the birds that go into regular KFC stuff) but those of you who are visiting or live in border cities must try this chunk of wonderful. 

  A high-five to KFC for making the vegan sandwich more delicious than any other slab they sell. Those of you who are hardcore veggies might have to ask that they use the french fryer to avoid meat contact- call your local shop and ask the process. Those of you who love a big chunk of chicken, try the veggie. It is the cheapest meal they sell and every meat-eater I've given it to will order it above the Big Crunch. If that isn't an endorsement, I have no idea what is.

KFC does chicken wrong but un-chicken right.

Image courtesy of Georges Laraque and Peta 2. The video that made big Georges go vegan has been hosted for free on this website since I hit blogspot. Check the top left.

Random

  I've had this song running through my brain for awhile, so I figured I'd share the pain.

When you think about it, the premise of the movie is about as creepy as Danny Elman's facial contortions. I mean the idea was creating a "perfect" woman  for the purpose of adulation and nookie. And there is implied sex, boozing, and drunk driving by 15 year olds in it. It was pretty normal for movies that came out in the mid-to-late-eighties and I thought it was the shit when I was 12.

MAN, I was a dork.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Claasic Rewind

Honestly , This Is An Annoying Blog

 originally published August 10, 2009

The English language is a perplexing enough bastardization of numerous languages without the grammatical irritations and other annoyances commonly used by advertisers and layfolk alike . Advertisers will even stoop so low as to insult their target audience with redundant or useless claims , and here is my spotlight on some of the vernacular that annoys me to tears .



#1: Alliteration combined with intentional misspelling : This does not make your company sound "Klassy" , "Klever" , or "Koquettish" but might make one seem "Coke-headish" . If you are so illiterate as to be unable to spell "clean" , I will assume that you will clean my floor with Drain-O .

#2 : Unintentional double negatives : People use technically grammatically-correct terms such as "irregardless" in an attempt to sound more intelligent without realizing the correct meanings . Double-negatives are annoying by themselves without using them in places not required . You are essentially negating the following word with this prefix . Stop it.

#3 : Claims that cannot be factual : "New and Improved" is the classic here . If it is improved , then it cannot be a new concept and vice-versa . In addition , you are implying that your previous attempt was a failure .

#4 : Advertising that insults the intelligence : I witnessed the prime example today at the 7-11 today where a sign proudly proclaimed " All of our hot beverages are made with pure water" as if the corporation had just isolated Radon . Did they honestly think that the customers believed that the tea was steeped in Camel urine?

And here are a few common expressions that are just as irritating :

"Near-miss" - term for an accident that DIDN'T happen . Technically , a "near-miss" would be something that DID happen but almost did not . The more correct term would be "near catastrophe ".

"Ice Cold" - term for a chilly soda pop or what-have-you that implies the temperature is Sub-Arctic . But , the thing is , if something was that cold , wouldn't it indeed BE ice? Anyone who passed grade 3 Science should surely know this.

" I'm (You're , She is) the liaison" - Pretentious term for someone who sugar-coats bullshit between parties . The thing is , a "liaison" is part of a spoken FRENCH sentence , technically the pronunciation of a word-final consonant prior to a word beginning with a vowel . The misuse of this term makes me want to smack the offender with a large textbook.

"Literally" : If something is literal , it is definite , factual . The most common misuse would be "I laughed so hard I literally died" , or something in that vein . If you "literally" died , you wouldn't be still breathing to make that erroneous claim .

"Now More Than Ever" : "... tell your kids not to drink and drive" , "....it is time to watch CNN" , etc. Because it really wasn't terribly necessary before , it may have just been optional .

"Let's do lunch" and it's related variants : Lunch is something one eats or has , "doing it" would be something entirely different . while I am certain it is possible to "do" a burger , if you did so in public you would likely be arrested .

Beginning a sentence with "Honestly" or "Truthfully" : It implies that everything you previously stated was a lie , or at least somewhat evasive . In an end to sound more credible , the person who utilizes redundant words such as this has just removed every shred of his or her own credibility . And beginning a phrase with "I'm going to be brutally honest" implies that you are going to be rude to the point of verbally assaulting your victim .
There are dozens more similar phrases in the "English" language that boggle the mind . Feel free to share a few .
Have a great day!

Murder By Proxy


 This tool was arrested and charged under an old law because several people killed themselves at his behest. The former nurse, who lost his license for abusing patients trolled internet chat rooms for years looking for depressed people. He would pose as a female and act sympathetic to draw them in. After some time he would give them instructions on how to kill themselves and even entered into suicide pacts he didn't plan to carry out. He claims he did this "for the thrill of the chase". His instructional e-mails were found on the computer of a British man who hanged himself and a Canadian teen who drowned herself. He is a scumbag of the worst kind.

  But the thing is, he may never spend a day in jail.

Assisting a suicide does carry a maximum of 15 years in the state in which he resides, but they have never dealt with someone who used internet manipulation in such a way. Plus, none of the people lived in his state, and there may have been dozens. The defense is arguing remorse and freedom of speech.

  OK Minnesota, the ball is in your court. Get this fucker off the street. He has no real regard for others and will probably find other ways to injure or kill people when he gets out. Make sure it is a good long while.  People should never have the freedom to convince the mentally ill to kill themselves. Set the precedent in your state or extradite him to Canada, where this IS a crime without a doubt.

Do the right thing.

Proofreading Isn't For Everyone

  7,000 copies of this book have been reprinted after a particularly egregious typo.

In the recipe for spelt tagliatelle, readers are instructed to include "salt and freshly ground black PEOPLE"

  The publisher doesn't see why people are offended by the obvious error and has offered to replace copies purchased by people "small-minded enough to complain". Bob Sessions has dismissed the copy boo-boo as "silly". He's apparently upset that the lack of editing is going to cost the company $20 000.

  While mistakes DO indeed happen, insulting the fine folks who purchased the expensive book is not the way to go. It just compounds the problem. The fuck-up could be seen as comical without the insensitive reaction of the publisher. I'm no marketing whiz, but I'm pretty sure that implying your consumers are stupid is the worst form of publicity ever.

Fail.

In Name Only



The British Columbia government has removed most of the restrictions on dispensing of formerly prescription eyewear. Beginning May 1st, whomever feels like it will be able to issue eyeglasses without a comprehensive eye exam from a medical professional. The idea is to increase market competition. There are no other authorities in North America who permit this, and there is a good reason for it.

  Optometrists are folks who have spent many years honing their craft and can detect everything from glaucoma to brain tumors just by thoroughly examining your eyes. An optometrist saved my brother's life when he has a heart attack in the office. If he had walked into Wal-Mart instead and had some kid guess at his vision, the minimum-wage employee would not have the medical training to intervene. So yes, I may have a bias.
  The problem is that because every Tom, Dick, and Harriet will be able to dispense eyeglasses, optometry appointments, not covered by health care, will become very expensive and people will avoid them. Opticians (the dudes who grind lenses for a living) will also be able to conduct basic eye tests without a medical doctor's prescription. These people have minimal knowledge of eye diseases. People will not find out that they have cataracts until it is too late to remove them and people could be blinded or even die because of this insanity.

  Gordon Campbell has privatized a TON of things during his tenure from utilities to medical care, but he needs to leave this one alone. After selling our industries and natural resources to Chinese slave-traders and Americans who don't care, he has now decided to sell a fundamental part of health care to the lowest bidder. No doubt, he is getting some sort of corporate kickback for this. In no other province would a guy who acquired a criminal record WHILE in office be permitted to remain, let alone several people with seedy dealings. We have got to get rid of these jerks before they sell what matters to you, and whatever it is, they will commercialize it soon. The "Liberal" party is exactly the opposite.

Relax. It's Just Sex(y)

  Lane Bryant and women everywhere are outraged that networks attempted to censor their "plus-sized" lingerie ad while permitting adverts that show scrawny women in various states of undress. People are fired up because they believe it to be an attack on curvy ladies, a form of discrimination. Personally, I think everyday women should take this as a compliment and not an insult, and this is why.

  When most of us see a toothpicky woman, she seems almost unreal, alien, or unfeminine. But the well-built woman triggers the inner ape - our evolutionary baboon equates a bountiful physique with reproduction, and that means SEX. Most men (and some women) are instantly captivated, and we are helpless to resist . Natural feminine beauty is the reason why Liv Tyler is more attractive than Lara Flynn Boyle and why we like Angelina Jolie better when she stocks up on carbs. What women think to be beautiful (can't be too thin) and what men do are two entirely different things. Most women have no idea who Vida Guerra is, but trust me, the hairier gender does. It's primal.

  There is NOTHING on the planet hotter than a confident, real woman strutting her stuff. Sexually powerful women who look like they could be your girlfriend are indeed more attractive, and that's what offended the networks. If sex sells, then a woman who looks like she actually gets a piece on her own terms is the ultimate.

   And ladies- even though you might see yourself as having too much junk in the trunk, we don't necessarily feel the same way. If you command attention and view that c-section scar as a badge of honour instead of a flaw, we will submit. After the kids are in bed, OWN your house in a satin bathrobe and don't be shocked when your partner is brought to their knees. The power is in your ass and the confident brain that is lucky enough to be along for the ride.

Watch and learn.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Cyberpimping Ain't Easy

  Facebook has just announced "Instant Personalization" , which is supposed to adapt your experiences of sites like Pandora and Yelp using information found on your Facebook page. These websites can link personal information, as well as your real name. Even if YOU never use any of these websites, your friends can "personalize" their experiences with your profile information. And Facebook is willing to "share" (read: sell) your information with new partners as they sign up and makes it extremely difficult to block these sites and applications. Luckily for us, the fine folks at eff.org have composed a how-to guide to make the process of blocking those fools a little less painful.


  While EFF is awesome, Facebook is hypocritical. This latest invasion comes only 2 days after FB decided to make "connections" pages - mandatory lists of all people based on their interests, hometowns, and employers. This information may have been on a private part of your profile previously, but these lists remove that protection. For example, if you work at Hot Rake Landscaping, there is now a page of all people who have listed Hot Rake Landscaping on their profile. While that really doesn't seem too controversial, if you put "gay marriage" , "tea party", or anything else hot button, you will be placed on a list opening you up to unwanted harassment and solicitations.
  Not-so-long ago, Facebook's privacy policy stated that your personal information would be only available to those you choose. This week they decided to do an about-face and sell your info off. If Facebook is a necessary part of your networking repertoire, you should remove all information and interests that you don't want data miners and other trolls seeing. E-mail their admin and complain. If this latest slap is too much for your conscience, delete your account. If enough people delete their accounts or even threaten to, the "connection" lists will be pulled.

  Either way, Facebook is yet another fun thing ruined by greed. No longer content to enjoy vast advertising revenues, they want more and will sell you for profit. These pimps are biting the hand that feeds and are destined to collapse under the weight of their own depravity.

  Facebook doesn't care about you. It's time we all stopped caring about Facebook.

****UPDATE**** - The "list" segment wasn't hyperbole. Facebook removed almost everything in my profile because I didn't want to be part of a few dozen public groups. It offers a warning that if you don't want to be listed, the info will be deleted. I clicked "ok" and it made everything from the city I live in to the place I work to the bands I dig vanish. So much for being able to share what you choose.

Grannies In The Sky With Diamonds

 Both of my grandmothers grew up in the humbled of circumstances one could imagine, yet carried to their last moment a fascination with moving parts. My paternal one used to find ways of fixing discarded electrical appliances and was in awe the first time she got to play on a Vic 20 and  the Sega Genesis and its Altered Beast became one of her fascinations. She passed very suddenly with a full mind and body open to these new ideas that were beyond her most vivid childhood imaginings.
My maternal granny wanted a computer despite never having typed because she was bored and wanted to expand her intellect. She was a poor farm kid who never got to attend high school but had a documented IQ exceeding 165 at 80 years of age. The thing was with this longer lived grandmother was she was losing her eyesight and it deeply disturbed her. Granny Annie didn't dig the idea of being a sick old lady nor being a burden, so she pulled her own plug and went for a nap 4 years ago and died with a peaceful smile. While I was sad to come home from work and close her eyes, I know she's watching this from the great beyond with eyes like a youngster.


  The great-grammo you are watching has the same degree of blindness that my grandmother had and has been able to reintroduce her writing to the world because of the funky backlighting that new tablet computers offer. You best watch and then buy one for your matriarch. The body may age, but a well-tuned mind never dies. Since this video came out, Virginia has now become a whiz and has read and written several works.

So grammos in the sky, I'm raising a humble glass on your behalf to one of your peers.

Enjoy.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Hooker With A Penis



  Public prostitutes like Jamie Grubb and Bombshell (more like "blown apart") McGee have traded their romps for a taste of fame , and we are nauseated by their actions. Actually, we care less about their actions than the fact they are so willing to tell kinky tales about sleeping with married dudes for fame and gain.

But this one takes the dog shit cake with a few hundred candles for good measure.

Hector Penate.

  Yes, I'm sure you are drawing a blank here. This guy has played a few bit parts on the tube and REALLY wants his name in lights. It seemed that being baseball coach to famous folks' kids wasn't enough for this dude - he wanted a MILF to call his own and found it in Larry King's wife Shawn. Not content to be a man and keep his mouth shut, he is now telling everyone with a microphone how he boned the much older MARRIED woman in her wedded bed and strutted around like he was king of Larry's hard-earned castle.

  As much fun as it is to poke at Larry for being one old gent, Larry is not the bad guy here. She promised him with the ring she would never stray and Shawn Southwick comes across as a gold digging trophy who carries on with young dudes. But, I mean, your kids' ball coach? Come on. Kids have a sense about these shenanigans. They aren't as blind or stupid as we think they are and Hector and Shawn apparently assumed.

  And Hector, you have officially branded yourself as a weasel and the exact opposite of the macho man you think you are. You are as much of a whore as any of Tiger's kitties, and call me a sexist, but that makes you one of the scuzziest non-men in LA.

   Take the bus over to the nearest woodshop where REAL men are working, put your nuts in a bench vise, and let one of those tough guys crank it 500 times.

  Getting your 15 minutes of fame doesn't make you any less of a whore. But it does make you less of a man.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Un-Food For Thought


 Not all food items that I find weird are rare, in fact some are as ubiquitous as rain in Vancouver, or as Jell-O.
  The most popular of all branded desserts gives me the willies, and it's not just because it jiggles like an octogenarian's man-boobies.

  Naturally-occurring gelatine has been used in savoury and unsettling things like calf's-foot aspic to torture Polish kids for a very long time. Sometime during the Victorian era, the servants of the very wealthy began to process sheets of gelatine and sweeten them to come up with a dessert form of the jelly of yore.
   After some time an american named Peter Cooper powdered gelatine and patented it, but the idea stayed out of the market for over 50 years until clever marketing and timing brought the instant to the masses. The yummy fruit flavourings and quick preparation made people too happy to think about what the new great American dessert really was . And is.

  Jell-o starts off as a big pile of pig and cow bones, skin, connective tissues and other selected offal. The mix is ground together and mixed up. The mess is then "treated" with a strong acid or base like Lye to break apart cell structures and make it easier to coax the valuable collagen away from the byproducts. The mishmash is then furiously boiled and the collagen is scraped from the surface of the enormous kettles.
   The skim is boiled and filtered several more times, finally dried and then ground into a fine powder. Afterwards, sugar and food colouring are added and the end product is shipped all over the globe in signature white boxes.

  Now, I know what some may be thinking. You guys figure that since I'm veg, I'm going to be biased against a meat product. Well, not exactly. According to the USDA, gelatine is so heavily chemically processed and manipulated, it isn't even an animal product at all. The Kraft Company likes people to think that gelatine came from some magical space dude or Bill Cosby and people eat it up. Some vegetarians even consume it. But rabbinical and halal authorities DO consider it to be critter and the "K" featured on some American boxes of Jell-O is unauthorized as the product does derive from pigs. So, the company is lying to the consumer by trying to convince folks that their dessert is both vegetarian and kosher, and it is neither. It also isn't a great nutritional source as they advertise it to be.

  What disgusts me is not just the lying and the manipulation of the USDA, but chemically processing anything - be it flesh or fauna- to such an end that it becomes an abomination. Agar is not nearly as manipulated and even sets better. It is also a digestive and contains fiber as well as iodine. The problem with the ancient asian gelatine is price- farmers will get rid of offal for next-to-zero and you actually have to cultivate seaweed.
  Personally I'd rather spend an extra 50 cents than think about the guy whose job it is to grind up pig heads and play with harsh chemicals.

  Sometimes when we think about what is in what we eat, it is nauseating. And there are usually a multitude of reasons why. If you had to kill an animal and then grind and boil the pig's remains, would you be thinking dessert?

Put that in your pot.

4-20

 This is a date that some of you associate with marijuana laws. Decriminalization groups gather and smoke, often publicly, to protest oppressive drug laws and demand change. But some other people really love to party today that you might not think too much about.




Put down your bong and join Tom Metzger in celebration of the 121st birthday of Adolf Hitler. Neo-nazi groups around the world stage "family friendly" birthday events where your little white kids can engage in a fun-filled activity day. There will be a platform with keynote speakers to instruct your older kids that non-europeans are mud races spawned by Satan himself. Your teenage sons can join other kids in gang torment of niglets and spics and reeducation of homosexuals. Grownups will be invited to attend lectures by Eli James and Phil Anderson with beer included in the price of admission. Half price for ladies because they drink less beer and we need them to make white babies.

Party On!! 88!!



Proofreading Isn't For Everyone



A mathematical problem even Grigori Perelman couldn't solve.

Oy vey.

Go Kings Go


  I watched the Kings-Canucks game tonight and was thrilled with the momentous victory that stunned Vancouverites.
  You see I am a long-suffering LA Kings fan. I ignored the presence of Gretzky during his time. My love for the Purple and Gold goes back to the days of Jimmy Fox, Dave Taylor and Rogie Vachon. But I WORSHIPPED a 5'8" ball of hate named Marcel Dionne. He was the last player to win the NHL scoring title before Gretz and Lemieux fought over it for a decade and a half. He quietly finished his career with 731 goals and 1771 points trailing only Gordie Howe who played 9 more full seasons than The Little Beaver .

  Dionne never got his cup but the house that he built might just see one. A fine example of character wears jersey number 11. Anze Kopitar was born into a country that would soon be divided by civil war and never really thought he'd play in the pros anywhere let alone the NHL. The first Slovene to make the Show has brought his special combination of power, speed, and skill to the rink and he never takes a night off. I knew he was special the first time I saw him play, and luckily he will be in LA for at least 5 more years.

  The combination of youthful shit disturbers, talented stars, and determined veterans thrown away by other clubs is a mix that will carry a TRUE team beyond this series and challenge for the ultimate prize. Kopitar WILL get a cup in California . Say hello to the past, present, and future of hockey in Southern California.

  Dare to be an underdog.

My Cat is Amazing

 This is my cat about a year ago in all of his micro glory. He was really attached to the neighbourhood I moved from recently About a month ago my housemate let him outside when I wasn't home and he took off.
  I called the SPCA, roamed around town, and called the vet to no avail. I figured someone has taken him, be it a human, a cougar, raccoon, eagle, ferret, dog, etc.


  As it turns out he spent 4 weeks walking back to the home he remembered. I went over a few times and couldn't wrangle him. On Saturday my mother got the bright idea to wander over to my former crib after a few beers. And she found the mud-covered beast in a hedge trapped by his leash. Cold, scrawny, and scared he let out a barely audible noise and my mother tracked him down. My mud-covered hammered mum popped into my door holding a 6 pound ball of mud that was once a 13 pound tomcat.

  After a bath, oodles of sardines, and a lake-sized amount of water, he's back to doing this.

   I'm left to wonder what kind of weird adventures this guy had along his lengthy excursion. He had to have avoided cars, hillbilly kids, and all sorts of wildlife before nearly starving to death. It's safe to say that the cat born on my nephews birthday has used up a few of his nine lives.

Thanks mum!!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Sometimes Karma Bites You In The Ass



My housemate is a big fan of this WWE stuff, and while I was wandering through the kitchen glanced over and saw this dude on screen with a mic in his hand.

Ryan Phillippe. Yes, THAT one.

This cat is on Monday Night Raw promoting his latest flick, MacGruber. He's not the lead doofus in it but it features half of the WWE.He is being upstaged in the flick as well as on Raw by Will Forte.

That's a FAR cry from Gosford Park and Crash, which were an equal distance from the roles he had before he became Mr. Reese Witherspoon. She is one of those belles that Americans adore and they were content to share the love until Ryan stepped out with another lady. He has gone from heartthrob to laughing stock in near record time.
All of you future cads and Jesse James take note : America doesn't do well with breaking their sweetheart's heart. The public will hit you where it hurts the most- your wallets.

Karma is a beautiful beast.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

I'm Serious

 I remember seeing an excerpt of this when it first came out as a PSA, but my dad sent me the full Windows Media version today.

I constantly give my girl and pals grief for texting whilst driving.  People claim to only do it "at stop signs" or in a "break" in traffic, but they do it with kids, friends, and coworkers in vehicles.  Multitask text while smoking, switching gears, or eating is even worse. And I've seen a multitude of you do this.


    Don't let YOUR life become a cautionary tale and don't hurt others because you're too "important" to pull the fuck off the freeway.
A highschool pal flattened a Toyota with a family in it while yapping on his phone and driving a tractor trailer.

This shit REALLY does happen.   Fuckin stop being self-involved shits.

Please.

 

Friday, April 16, 2010

NHL Playoff Bracket



NHL Playoff bracket

East #1 Washington vs East #8 Montreal - Washington 1
East #2 New Jersey vs East #7 Philadelphia - Philadelphia 7
East #3 Buffalo vs #6 Boston     - Buffalo 3
East #4 Pittsburgh vs East #5 Ottawa - Ottawa 5

East Semis
Washington home to Philadelphia - Washington 1
Ottawa visits Buffalo - Ottawa 5

East Champion Washington

West
West #1 San Jose vs #8 Colorado - Colorado 8
west #2 Chicago vs Nashville #7  - Chicago 2
West #3 Vancouver vs #6 Los Angeles - Los Anegeles 6
West #4 Phoenix vs #5 Detroit - #4 Phoenix

Division Semis
Chicago vs Colorado - Chicago 2
Los Angeles vs Phoenix - Los Angeles 6

Division Final 
West Conference Champion - Chicago

Finals Washington/ Chicago
'Chicago in 7

Fuck Off Friday




 I was randomly surfing the net after a very strange afternoon nap dream when I came across a man whose life story is beyond what anyone could conjure. I found out more about this guy through all of the things he has accomplished and inquired into the way he's lived his life and although it all  seems small to most ,  I'm going to tell you, he is WORTHY of a little shine today.

  Augustine Concepcion is a 39 year old New Jersey guy who is a living, breathing piece of scientific history and a testament to the value of perseverence. 
  Last year, he was outfitted with the latest and greatest defibrillator pacemaker and considers himself lucky to be alive. And he should. Mr. Concepcion was born with a serious heart defect and has endured over 100 surgeries on his ticker. This new pacemaker is Number 17. This cat is a living monument to scientific progress and keeps all his old ones in a box at his auntie's crib. He knows that one day he is going to need a new ticker as he was on the transplant list years back, but with medication and his new beatbox he is able to chase his dogs around and volunteer at a centre that helps those with HIV. And if you are lucky enough to hang with him, you WILL have hope for a new tomorrow. 

 From a boy destined for death to a man who walked to raise funds to battle heart disease, to a guy who was near death and found new technology, he IS the ultimate survivor. His scars are not those of a victim, but of a champion. With strength, honour, and mostly humour Augustin has become MY inspiration. 

  To the funny real gentleMAN who is a living testament to what scientific discovery combined with absolute determination can bring, you SIR are beyond my scope. I wish you all the heath in the future, but if things should go foul, I know that you go out with a smile. You are not a human guinea pig, you are the strength of an army inside one compassionate being. 
   The only "fuck off" this Friday will be to heart disease, and I hope you will display the middle finger for decades to come.

Fuck off, heart disease, and leave this awesome guy alone.

Sign your donor card. Don't bury awesome people with your exit.

Ordained Stupidity

For your ease, I offer you Bishop Williamson's version of 9/11 that he preaches to lovely young people wherever he gets the chance. 

Denial Of All Kinds




 Today, Bishop Richard Williamson was convicted of incitement in Germany and fined 10,000 Euros for proclaiming during a television interview that civilians were not gassed during World War II . His ultra-conservative order forbade him from attending court but his attorney had offered the novel defense that "the Bishop requested the interview not be broadcast in Germany". 
  The thing is, the interview was conducted IN Germany and broadcast all over the interwebs. Even worse, the POPE lifted Williamson's excommunication as well as those of several of his wingnut cohorts AFTER the interview was given. 

  Denial is the name of the game in all seedy affairs of the Vatican with promotions being given to the most blatant liars and weirdest members. Transfer  paedophiles, promote bigots, blame everyone else. All is fair in the underworld of the current Pope.

  This yo-yo also believes women should be excluded from higher education, that 9/11 was a conspiracy perpetuated by the U.S. government, and beating one's children for their own good. Not surprisingly, he believes that The Protocols of the Elders of Zion is an actual historical document and that Jews and Freemasons are the enemies of God. He also viewed Pope John Paul II as a Satanist. 

  THIS is exactly the kind of guys Pope Benedict digs, and why NO Catholic should EVER trust a word from  that filthy pervert's lips.

 ****the latest from The Vatican- well, we didn't really mean he's a bishop. Stay tuned.

Great New Product


 

  Beauty.com among other websites has recently started to sell something called Pocksie. What it is is some self-adhesive sticky "pocket" that is available for, say hiding weed in your bra or your ID in your miniskirt. Well that's what I'm assuming, because wearing one on the outside of your clothing makes you look like a dweeb. 
  Why dweeb? Because it is basically a 3" X 4" Elastoplast band-aid with three sticky sides instead of four.  It also makes you look stupid, because you can sure as hell buy more than 6 bandages for $10 (plus shipping and handling) . Your new changepurse is an overpriced item you could have ripped off from your mum's first aid kid, which is where I'm sure the inspiration came from. And a whole bunch of people are ridiculous enough to buy it, which makes the marketers geniuses. 

   If you buy this crap, you deserve a smack in the head from your mama with the Pet Rock (TM) you bought in the 80's.

Tea Time


 

 The Tea Party protests were out in full force on tax day with their colourful signage protesting, well EVERYTHING. What started as a conservative movement has become a collection of wingnuts who can't agree on anything except for they're not happy and want the whole world to know about it. 
 Here are a few of the more common whines and my opinion on them.

  "Obama bailed out the big bankers" - Actually, he really didn't. He just signed in concessions and bailouts that Bush had already guaranteed his cronies and then had the balls to publicly chastise those who misused funds. It should come as no surprise to you that while Republicans have publicly blamed banks, their political campaigns are funded by those same bankers. That's why they attacked the bailout as opposed to individual organizations. They aren't going to REALLY bite the hand that feeds. If McCain had been voted in, the same bailouts would have occurred, possibly greater. 

 "We hate public healthcare. Everyone should pay their own way." - but don't you DARE touch my Medicare. Medicare is a public health program that all taxpayers pay into . What's the difference? Well, because white senior citizens collect Medicare and the highest Social Security Payments and tend to vote Republican, and the working poor tend to vote Democrat, Independent, or not at all. Unhealthy kids do fare worse in the long run, and there's nothing scarier than the vibrant offspring of the little guy growing up to be educated, voting adults.

  "Obama is an evil Marxist, Communist, etc" ; "Obama creates taxes" - If Obama hated capitalism, why would there be MORE working people then before this tragedy that he was handed? If he was a Marxist he'd be really pissed off at the idea that the stock market has rebounded by 3000 points. Working-class folks have enjoyed tax BREAKS, not increases. Americans paid less tax than under Bush on average. Another tasty tidbit- one of the fundamental tenets of communism is atheism and Obama believes in the same God most of the TeaBaggers do. Holding corporations accountable scares the crap out of people who worked for them before they were elected, as many conservatives did. The idea of unions is scary because the idea of paying a fair wage interferes with the bank accounts of the corporate overlords. ...which leads me to...

  "Obama wants illegal immigrants" - NO, the corporate overlords do. Who else would work 20 hours a day in your mansions, cut your lawns, raise your children, and work in factory farms for $2 an hour? Without aggressive recruitment of border-jumpers, agribusiness- the former employer of so many Reps- wouldn't be as profitable. Legal migrants scare the crap out of righties because they might have to actually report fatalities and not live off of slave labour. 

  "Obama is racist" - No, you idiots. The idea of a powerful ethnic minority scares you, just admit it. You long for the days when a guy who looks like your president had to pick cotton for years on end without pay. The thing that scares you most is the fact that inner-city kids see a fellow like Obama and decide that they too can reach for the American dream. With black and brown people in your schools and suburbs, they might actually grow up to become something. And there's nothing scarier than a generation of healthy, educated ethnic minorities. "Reverse racism" has been the argument of disgruntled southern men for decades. You didn't invent the lie - your scared, entitled grandfathers did. 

  "Obama isn't a real American" - Would you be arguing this if he were white? Absolutely not. Due to a viral urban myth propagated by a fringe newspaper, the Baggers now TRULY believe that Barack Obama is a Kenyan and not the "real" president. I completely debunk that argument HERE if you want a read. 

   The problem with the Tea Party is that it has now become a catch-all for a group that is now primarily composed of pissed-off bigots and has become overcome by the next generation of domestic terrorists. We have the freedom to disagree with policies and feel sad that "our guy" didn't win, but at the end of the day we are humans. And human beings are sometimes mistaken.If you want to make a credible argument, at least make your lies believable. 

  Meet you in the Middle.

  

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Something Ain't Right Here



  Most people know who Lil Wayne is, even if only from the fact he's been arrested several times for gun and drug offences. He managed to dodge prison for a while to get dental work done and somehow managed to sneak in recording a shitload of rap videos, but finally he's doing his year in Protective at Rikers

  The thing that doesn't add up here is the fact that the dude is blogging from jail. How EXACTLY is he managing to do this? As it turns out, his PR lady posts excerpts from his letters on his website, which kind of falls in that grey area under New York law. But the thing is, the site is DESIGNED to profit from his criminal behaviours. The guy's site even sells "Free Weezy" shirts (for $30 each) like dude thinks he's Mumia Abu-Jamal or something. Prison is designed to suck and dude is sitting in Rat Seg making a mockery of the judicial process as well as education. (it's spelled "thanks" , not "thankx", and spelling it this way doesn't make you sound tough, but stupid.) But he's laughing at all of this on his way to the bank, and money's all that matters to this dude.

   Kids, this guy is NOT a role model. He's a criminal who likes guns and thinks it's his right to not only do whatever drugs he wants to but bring them across the border. Hopefully, the folks in Arizona give him a real sentence after his picnic at Rikers, but he'll probably skate. The only reason he plead out to this was to further his career and hope everyone would forget his subsequent arrests.  Just because a dude can rhyme doesn't make him a MAN, as evidenced by the slew of micro-Waynes crawling around. All this aside, if you or I had been nailed for doing close to what Tha Carter has been, we'd be locked up for a VERY long time. We certainly wouldn't be permitted to PROFIT from our crimes.

   Wayne Carter is just another example of the fact that there is no such thing as equal punishment under the law. 

When Karma Gets You In The Ass




 A 21-year-old German dude seems to like to break into his favourite sporting equipment store in the yawning hours, and in his third endeavor, he decided to do it pissed out of his gourd. 

   The serial thief flew through the window and promptly fell on his ass. Unfortunately, he landed on top of a pile of leaders with fish hooks attached. The cops quickly caught the guy because he was staggering from the pain and booze ingestion. Sure enough, when they caught up to him, he had several hooks imbedded in his posterior. He could have been just a regular dude with fish hooks in the ass except for the fact that the price tags were still attached to the leaders . 

   Evidently, you CAN put a price on stupid.

ripped from speigel.de

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Hipster From Hell



 Since I've kind of got a theme going today, I bring you this beauty courtesy of my mother . She saw this and uttered "Oh dear G-d" and figured you should all enjoy this.

The text reads "Though she was a tiger lady, our hero didn't have to fire a shot to floor her. After one look at his Mr. Leggs slacks, she was ready to have him walk all over her. That noble styling sure soothes the savage heart! If you'd like your own doll-to-doll carpeting, hunt up a new pair of these he-man Mr. Leggs slacks"....etc etc.

This ad was published within my lifetime, but you can sure bet that if this "American Psycho-meets-Peta's worst nightmare" waste of paper came out today, groups everywhere would be taking a collective shit.

In Honour of Confederate History Month



 Ads of the past have some pretty creepy imagery and stereotypes, but this takes the Jello Mold.

   The text is kind of puny, so I'll reprint it here for the benefit of those without 52-inch screens.

"Jello is known to all sections as America's Most Famous Dessert. In the South, for instance, it is inexpensive enough to be found in the cabins of the old plantation. It is delicious enough to meet the standards of good living at 'The Big House'. It is dainty enough for milady's afternoon tea. It is appealing enough to turn the sinful, of any color, away from his neighbour's melon patch."

  And people wonder why African Americans seem a little culturally "sensitive" to ethnic jokes.

  Oh my hell.

Yummy Treat



  Those crazy guys over at KFC dropped this beast on the American public yesterday.

The Double Down Sandwich is KFC's latest slap in the face to common sense. Containing pork, chicken, eggs, dairy, and cow-based rennet, this thing isn't going to win any fans from those who give a damn about animals for sure. This "sandwich" is the face of the backlash against healthy eating- a certain self-centred segment of the population wants to eat, drink, and smoke as much as they want yet when they get sick and have to go on disability or have massive coronaries, it is the sensible working folk who foot the bill.

   I KNOW that people don't go to KFC for their personal good - I'm sure that their Canadian Vegan Sandwich isn't heart-smart either- , but this is getting retarded. It's like a contest to see how many abused animals can be slammed together , how much grease one can consume in a single sitting without retching.  I remember being repulsed by Wendy's Baconator in all of it's 980 calories of hate. Coworkers of mine thought themselves pretty impressive after eating these things. And they'd all be as useful as tits on a boar for the afternoon. It comes as no surprise that these dudes have all put on tremdous amounts of weight in the past couple of years- the fat you eat is the fat you wear. Some dudes and Paula Deen think that fat is the new rebellion, but it isn't any movement I want to join.

   This may be the most disgusting "Yummy Treat" segment ever, not only because it's nuseating but because it is widely available. That being said I have a morbid fascination with the Double Down yet I'm not going to encourage any of you to consume it.

Yuck

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Your Tax Dollars Hard At Work

What's Wrong With America In A Nutshell


The people who produced this and other videos have tax-exempt status . That means YOU are paying for the Westboro Baptist Church to openly promote execution of people in the name of God . They picket funerals of killed military members PRAISING the enemy . They claim that Major Hassan was set from God to murder people as punishment for what they see as America's wrongs . They stalk and harass elderly Holocaust victims and even little children at their schools .

If they were Muslims , we would call them terrorists . We most certainly would not be giving them every tax break imaginable.

This is one of the milder productions that Fred Phelps' web-savvy grandkids produced . Their latest parodies Havah Nagilah and is so repulsive I'm not going to post it , but you can find it at signmovies.net along with other bastardizations if you dare .

American taxpayers , this is what YOU are paying for
 

Reality Bite



  For some reason, I've been down a lot lately.And I'm not sure why. My life is no better nor worse than it has been but I've found it to be an effort to leave my bed. Probably 1 in 10 people who claim mental illness acyually have one, and I'm pretty sure I don't have one. I think maybe we all need to escape from increasingly overwhelming reality. Especially sissies like me.
When I decided to stop being an idiot, and made the conscious decision to FEEL I opened the door to a ton of hurt. It's hard to go through life as a stone and begin to become a human being. But I am doing it and I just hope that you folks understand . I'm not looking for pity, but quite the opposite. My hope is for you awesome folks to give my pansy ass a boot back into the person that you dig.

Be well.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Mama Said Knock You Out


  I haven't been the largest fan of Conan O'Brien in the past, but he's earned some mad love from me due to the awesome way in which he handled the Jay Leno squabble with humour and grace.

And now he's scored a show on TBS . Fox has tried to score him, but he's going to play lead-in for George Lopez and I think it's a spectacular move. Sure, he could make bigger bank elsewhere, but this is comedy cozy-comfyness and could shoot TBS into the stratosphere. Besides, TBS has a larger young audience and another late-night cat who actually gives Conan due respect. No syndication annoyances, no cattiness, fewer bucks.

And a big WIN for Conan and us all.

Conan is the man. By sticking to his guns and his artform over bowing, he has made his mark. Conan O'Brien knows that he has already made his money and wishes to bring the funny to us as well as financially support his hard-working employees.. Even better, he's not as regulated by the FCC, so we can all see and hear what he intends.

Welcome back, you pasty funny fucker.

A Child Is NOT A Prius


  For those of you on the moon, the adoptive "mother " of 7 year old Artem Salvelyev has sent the unaccompanied boy back to Russia with a note. She had phoned a shrink who stated the child may be mentally ill and didn't feel she could cope with an "imperfect" child. So Torry Hansen sent him back like an iPod that plays on continual repeat.

  There are a lot of us who have kids through natural or adoptive means that  have challenges, but they are HUMAN. Parenthood is a responsibility that should be taken seriously. This young fellow was probably scared shitless by being transported to a country with a different language, cultural norms, and different people to call mum and pop.There is going to be a natural adjustment process, but even if the kid has a mental issue, I'm confident that a CARING parent could raise this boy to be a better young man.

  A child is NOT  a disposable being. I know folks who have adopted the most troubled kids to success. One of my closest friends was the 1 pound offspring of junkies who now has a Master's Degree because someone dared to care . Another was raised in a KGB camp and still has the ink they used to mark their property yet nobody would ever know. But that was 30 years ago and we now have a quick-fix culture replete with fast food, fast degrees, and buy-it-quick babies. We have devolved into a selfish version of a Darwinian society that returns sick puppies to pet stores and hurting children to the beyond. We don't CONNECT to anyone other than ourselves, and Mrs. Hansen is a grotesque version, but still the example.

   Because of this, the Russians are justifiably afraid of adopting kids out to Western families. There are so many kids who could live awesome lives with amazing families. Yes, not all kids are perfectly behaved, but love for a microbeing can indeed help most. The majority of folks that adopt kids from countries like Russia have the most exemplary intentions. And it is obvious that Mrs. Hansen views children as an accessory.

   Mrs. Hansen, you stink, but it might actually be better for Artem for you to have sent him back. Hopefully he will now be adopted by someone who can be sensitive to his needs and love him in a way he has never been. If I was more financially well off, I would invite this young man into my home, with or without flaws. Parenting is an acquisition for LIFE , and a privilege as opposed to a right. I hope that nobody permits this family to adopt a child again. Artem Salvelyev was treated in a manner akin to a pet-store rat, but had he been a rodent, PeTA would run to his rescue. There is nobody out there for this child because grown-ups decided that a human is as worthless as a defective Pinto.

Shame on us.

Has-Been?

 

Anyone who has watched pro sport in the last thirty years know of a legendary guy nammed Tommy Hearns. "The Hitman"'s record of 61-5-1 is among the best ever and he banked around $40 million putting his health on the line. But like so many guys who grew up poor, he is now broke.

  Tommy Hearns didn't lose his money through extravagance or drugs, but because he's too damn nice. He took it upon himself to support a massive family that took benefits of homes,cars and education and never made anything out of it. They squandered his life's earnings and fucked off.

  The boxing great recently auctioned off memorabilia from his life in the ring because he owed the IRS $500 000 and didn't want to lose his house. But he's remarkably not bitter . Tommy Hearns views it as his responsiblity to be a good role model and pay what he owes without complaint. No pleas for reduction, no pity party, just a will to face his problems and do the right thing. He might even have to step into the ring to do it.

  While it stinks to see one of sport's last true "good guys" in a crappy situation, we can look at the bright side just as he has- life is a learning experience. A good athlete might have 5 or 10 good pro years if lucky, but inherit a lifetime of obligations to ne'er-do-well family members and other hangers-on. Sure. lifestyle plays a part, but there is another reason why the world's highest paid athletes are often broke within a few years of retirement. Some of the guys I grew up with made it to the pros, and when you sign a big contract old relatives do pop up looking for gifts- and "no" is a hard word to say to many of them. At first you give out of love and gratitude and then it becomes overwhelming.

  Tommy Hearns has never lived his life with the sense of entitlement that a lot of guys do and has serious learned lessons that he can pass on to this generation. If I were managing a college or pro sports team, I would want this guy front and centre speaking to these young men the importance of looking to the future and how to deal with personal relationships in a manner that will be a win for all . Sports greatness is fleeting, but the way a man conducts himself beyond it is his measure.

Good luck Champ.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Thank YOU



I'm using a track by a band of gents who are now just normal househusbands to convey a message and a thank you.

  There are some countries where even attempting to view a 1000-hit-a-day website is illegal. To view a website primarily written by a gay female eligible for Israeli citizenship is considered a CRIME. I am obviously not going to disclose who the readers are, but greater than 1 in 100 of my daily viewers do so under possible penalty for the "crime" of reading the funny and absurd because of who delivers it.

  Those of us in the West take for granted our freedoms, but those who enjoy the little joy that I bring have taught me to NEVER forget. No matter how small you may feel, you CAN have your voice heard just by being a "hit" on a blog. The fact that people risk being punished for sedition by reading my writings as well as those of others should remind all that freedom is not a guarantee. We must do what we can in order to ensure that the ideals we hold true are not replaced with theocracy. This is a danger to us, with the South demanding its rise and a government handed a stack of bills and a pile of horseshit.

 The tagiline is "liberty", yet the folks who preach it want anything but. Libertarianism has been hijacked by those with a hateful ideal and those of us who TRULY believe in liberty and constitution must force these bastards out. It is OUR responsibility as North Americans who abide by similar constitutions to uphold the spirit of the words of the Fathers and mothers whose feelings became script. We are composed of mainly 3 large nations as well as a few smaller ones, all multiethnic and religiously diverse. We all have arms rights, voting abilities, and males and females in all professions. We are as free as governed people can be.

When you bitch about having to wait 5 days for your gun permit, think of the REAL little guy. Think of the Christian growing up in Sudan or the Jew in Iran. Think about who you are and what you love for 5 seconds before preaching your doctrine.

Would you REALLY want your grandkids to grow up in an America that is a protestant version of Afghanistan?

Would you want your micros to grow up to be the posterkids for hate?

The guys in this band are free to be dads because they didn't have to become bombs. Video retransmission without reference not-so-strictly prohibited by Frozen Ghost, but they'd still like a shout-out.  the views of the adverts do not necessarily reflect the views of rooferonfire.com or Frozen Ghost. 

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Classic Rewind : Let's Make America A Christian Nation


What if the USA really was REALLY a Christian nation?
What would that mean?
What would this country become if it was?

Well first of all if The USA was a Christian nation things would REALLY HAVE TO change.
The first thing we would have to do is change the Constitution! To remove the separation of church and state clause. If the USA were a Christian nation then why would there be a NEED FOR a separation of the church and the state?
Then I can see few more changes. To be a Citizen of the USA you would have to be a Christian because if the USA is a Christian nation every American would and should have to be a Christian.

The motto would obviously have to change then too because “in God we trust” is not correct -- it would have to be “in Jesus Christ we trust.” This is obvious because Christians believe in Jesus Christ not just God.

No one could or should be allowed immigrate to the USA unless they are a Christian.
This is plain to see too - a Christian nation would  have only Christian immigrants .

Only Christians can work for the US Government. The US is a Christian nation and only Christians are real Americans so only American Christians should be allowed to work for the US Government.

Same for the military and get them women out of the military. they should not be in there in the first place.

English would be the official language of the USA and all of its Christians.
Because the King James Holy bible is written in English so that must be right.

We should expel all non -Christians.
We might make allowances for Jews because they were God's Chosen ones before, but not any more . Make it the "Don't ask , don't tell" kinda deal.

Muslims
Hindus
Bahais
jains
Hari Krisnas
Buddhists
Sufis
daoists
confucionist
pagans ... all the rest, you know em.

they are not a REAL believers in the REAL God, so out they must go.

Lets talk about Catholics now.
Everyone knows that the Catholic Church is referred to in Revelations as the Great Whore.
So they should go to.

Lets talk about Jehovah Witnesses everyone knows they are not real Christians either. They believe only like 100,000 people are going to God . This is retarded - God is limitless.

Lets talk about Mormons they are not really Christians either. Remember the false prophets thing?

What about Episcopalians? They are really just British Catholics.

I think that maybe the Southern Baptists are OK and but what about the Northern Baptists? We gotta watch em . They hang with Negroes.

The Charismatic Christians and Pentecostal Christian churches are ALL OK.
Well maybe the snake charming Pentecostals are iffy. We all know that the snake is Satan , so we gotta watch em.

Think of the great things Christianity can do if the USA were really a Christians nation.

Make all public schools truly Christian church schools because after all, all Americans are Christians.

Remove all Non - Christian literature from all libraries.
Heck only the Bible and Christian books about the bible should be allowed in a real Christian nation's libraries.
Remove all non-Christian TV programing.
Why, we could make the 700 club the new public TV station.
Make Hollywood into the new JesusChristwood.
Burn all those old movies and TV copies. they are all unchristian anyway. If it ain't Christian it ain't any good for us Americans.

Make it illegal for all women to work outside the home - barefoot and pregnant is what God intended for them after all.
Make it illegal for all women to go to school. what do they need a education for? They need to cook and sew and maybe milk the cows and work the farms but not much else.
Make it illegal for all women to vote, the men know whats best and are the head of the households anyway.
f the woman can't drive then they cant go out and get into trouble and it would be easier to keep them home anyway, since that is where they belong.

Make women cover up! Modesty is what god wanted from woman anyway.
Maybe even birkas.. maybe them Muslim men do know a something about how to make women modest and docile.

Lets talk about the gays, lesbians, bi-sexual, trans-sexuals .
Lets get rid of them too they ain't real Americans/Christians anyway. Make us god-fearing people wanna puke

You know all those Mexicans are Catholics so kick them out too
all them native Americans are pagans also so out they go

The Chinese and Japanese are too
....The viet namies too
....The Koreans
.....hell all the Asians out they go!
They are not the real American Christians anyway.

Now we are getting somewhere!

How about the Negros.
They are not the real white Americans Christians either.
Mexican, blacks (colored?), Asians.... now we are really getting this place cleaned up and made into a real Christian USA.

those Irish are either Catholics or Episcopalians so lets get them out too
what about the Italians they are Catholics too damm them.
The Turks are eastern Catholics let's get them out too

the Russians are too and if they are not , they are commies and a commie don't got no god.
And all their eastern block neighbors too damm them!
Yeah no commies at ALL so get the Cubans out.

Heck the Argentinians too.
Those Brazilians are godless people too.
They are either Catholics or pagans damm it.
Kick them out too.

Hell all them damm foreigners are dangerous to the USA so lets kick em all out
and the damm UN too.
The hell with NATO, screw them Europeans.

Hell all them democrats ain't Christians either, they are pinko commies and anti Christians so lets kick them out too
The dammed abortion lovers, kickem out. The doctor men are murderers so off to the gas chamber for them godless beasts.
the divorced people too they ain't real Christians.

You know shipping them overseas would be expensive and so very wasteful and a wrong use of god's money so just kill em all! they are all going to hell anyway so let's just speed em along their way.

git'er dun.

Now we are really getting somewhere.

Praise the Lord.

Hell lets just Nuke em all and let God sort em out.
Maybe them KKK, and the Nazis were right all along.
We need to Make this a real white American Christian nation.

Yes praise the lord.
And may Jesus come back soon.
Hell he might just land here instead of Israel if we CAN GET ALL OF THIS DONE IN HIS NAME.

Halleluiah, thank you JESUS.

I can feel the holy spirit moving in my veins right now!

Think of what we could do!

This is satire and  several edits were made last year, with the latest revision in October 2009. Copyright ME, mothafucka.